u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
