in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
