GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
