she told me i tasted like america
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
