Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You are the jesus of drinking
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
