True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
