Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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