If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
