yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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