Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
