direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
