i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
