I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
