If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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