I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
