my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
