I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
