Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
