this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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