im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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