Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
