I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
