I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
and you fell through a lawn chair
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
