Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
two words: eviction party
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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