remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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