the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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