I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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