What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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