summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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