it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
