Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
