sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
