wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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