Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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