when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
