whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
