You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
