Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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