I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
