if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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