So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
