Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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