I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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