Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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