I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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