I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
