You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ketchup is God's man juice
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
