and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
