Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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