How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
there's paper in my vomit.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
