Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
